Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
and she was petting her beer can
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
