she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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