just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
