I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
