Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
