I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
