every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize