If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
