I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
