Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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