Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
vagina is talking i cant
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
