yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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