if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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