i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
