I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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