i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
