sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
