Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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