I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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