Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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