I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
