It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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