You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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