why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
