I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
