I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
