i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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