I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
In America we eat man semen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
