I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
