If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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