dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
