and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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