My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
