Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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