It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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