fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
