He asked to "fluff my boner.."
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
