Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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