You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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