I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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