they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
