Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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