Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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