I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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