i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
