Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
