it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
