I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I DEMAND FORESKIN
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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