What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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