This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
