she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
