i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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