Pappa wants mamma naked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
