I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
