i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
