So drunk its hurt
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
