There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize