Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
