You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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