I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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