Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
