dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
