Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lo siento on account of my penis...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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