Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
