i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
