Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
