Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
