Nicole vs. Life
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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