u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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