A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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