i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
