Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
