Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
