lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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