Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize