Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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