its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
