What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
