I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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